Wish I was Claire Huxtable

I wish that I was Claire Huxtable.  She would know just what to do, what to say and whatever crisis was currently plaguing her clan, would be resolved in 27 minutes.  In my parenting, I focus on honesty.  I started this when they were toddlers and always rewarded them for the truth.  I think that I focus on them being honest because I was such a liar when I was young.  It became such a problem for me that I didn't really "grow out of it" until well into adulthood.  As a child, I lied about so much.  I didn't just lie about events. I even made up the characters!  For example, my first kiss was not only fabricated but so was the lucky boy.  I used to have the hardest time keeping the lies straight.  There are things that I even told my husband when I was dating him that I'm sure that he'd be surprised to find out were fabricated.  Anyway, the point is that I worked very hard to stop the lying and I never want my kids to be like me.  I had lied so much that I found that I wasn't even being honest with myself.  Life is hard enough to process but when you can't have an authentic look at yourself, it's even more of a challenge.

Enter, my ten your old son: My kid is really honest.  We've even established that omission of details is the same as lying.  I wish that his dad would understand that!  The principal of my kids' elementary school called me today and was very upset about what my son had said to the lunch aide.  He continued by asserting that he was sure that my husband and I would be appalled at such behavior.  I listened, calmly, but never allowed him to tell me what my son had said.  I didn't actually say that I didn't want him to tell me.  I just steered the conversation back to scheduling the requesting parental meeting and acknowledged the possibility of suspension.  My intent was two-fold: (1) In the past, I feel that I've made mistakes by reacting to what someone tells me that my child has done and while supportive of the consequences, have appeared to be less supportive of my child and (2) I want to get the facts from my son and allow him to tell me what had occurred.  After talking to my son, I'm really glad that I did not hear the details from the principal.  My son's comments were rude and disrespectful.  It is embarrassing!  I would have been as emotional as the principal and so embarrassed that I might have regretted my reaction.  I saved the emotion for my son: when he told me what he said, we both cried.  I'm trying to keep these lines of communication open.  He told me everything he said and we talked about it.  I went hard on him.  I told him that he was headed down a dangerous path and asked him if detention centers, jails, and finally prisons were in his future!  I know that's a bit extreme but I'm trying to make a point of respecting authority and good citizenship.  This kid has been grounded and spanked in the past and he will be grounded over this one.  I've seen improvement in him taking responsibility for his choices.  I just wonder if I'm dealing with him correctly?  I'm so afraid that my children won't know authenticity and I try to balance that with the knowing accountability and responsibility.  Claire Huxtable would have a resolution by the end of the episode; for those of us in the fraternal order of parenting, we just try our best and pray that we get most of it right!  Peace and blessings.....until next time